When I met Walden, I was just hurting so much. A broken marriage had taken such a toll on me for a few years before and I was not in way, shape or form, ready for dating anyone! I pushed him away without even trying. He sacrificed his time to see me. The truth is, I needed him to be there. I was glad whenever he would visit. But I would not let in him into my heart. It had no room. I was so devastated from losing my first love, my husband. Walden called me cold! He said I had a heart made of ice. Almost 20 years later and here I am writing about it. I never forgot those words!
Oh what wrong messages hurt can send, especially to the ones who care to see you get well. I no longer hurt from my broken marriage nor the actions of my ex-husband. I realize that I should never have gotten married at the age of 19. I was not ready in many ways to be a wife. I was not ready to deal with a husband and the possibility of infidelity. I was not ready to hurt as much as marriage made me cry and I certainly was not ready to be divorced. My dream was to marry for love and for it to last forever. I suppose that is everyone’s dream anyway.
Today, I am a single woman with two children. Far from the idea that I had for my life. The idea of being divorced use to bother me and the image of not having my kids have a father use to plague my mind too. Overtime, I am learning to let those thoughts go and just focus on being happy and raising good kids. God is so good. He can transform the mind. He can take our thoughts and make them new, more focused.
Walden. I’m sorry that I left with the impression of rejection for so many years. If I could, I would take it all back. I was never mature enough to handle hurt and love someone else at the same time. But, do you ever really get mature for that? Smile. My heart was working on coping and not dwelling on hating anyone. It was hurting but, Walden, just so you know, it was never “iced”.
May God forgive me for every wrong impression that I gave to hurt someone else. Amen.