Over the past few weeks, I have gone through some deep emotional waters. My kids have been sick. Presently, the doctors have not yet concluded what is wrong with my daughter. Initially it was supposed to be a case of HFMD that she contracted from her brother. But now, sigh, we don’t even know what is going on. My thoughts have been working overtime!
As a single mom, it has been hard, so very hard! Much harder than usual, I have found that I sometimes feel like I can’t cope. Crying solves nothing, only more crying. Praying is the hardest when I don’t know where to start. I know that the devil is trying to take my mind cause there are moments that I feel so confused. The worst part is that the one person who I thought would be here to support me, my friend, isn’t.
I feel so alone. I feel so very alone. I feel…nothing. I look around and my life looks nothing like I ever planned for it to be. I am nowhere near my dreams and I feel afraid. It is so hard to look back and there is nothing there. I look ahead and there is nothing I recognize. I look down and I see no ground to plant my feet and I feel very afraid. Fear is not of God, I know. But I really do feel afraid, for myself and for my kids. If I am not able to hold things together, then how can I hold us together. I am only encouraged to stay upbeat for my kids.
Lord, I am in this place where I can’t see you. I know that you are there but I am blind. I can’t see my way through the issues that I face. I don’t even know how to stop being anxious about waiting on You. I have been here for too long, Lord. Fear is getting the better of me. These days, I feel pain in places that use to be free and happy. That worries me. Am I being taken over by my fears?
I need you, Lord.