I didn’t blog before now, today. My world changed! I sit at my computer tonight, crying. My knees hold up the laptop just enough to save the fall to the floor. I can hardly see through my tears. I have a headache too. Today was one of my worst days in a very long time. I have experienced “worst” before but trust me, there are categories of worst. This one is new and confusing. It reaches deep into my soul and comes up pulling at my heart – without mercy. My daughter is sicker that the doctors initially diagnosed. Absence of blood tests, my Little ‘Z’ has gone to bed tonight without medication although with obvious signs of an infection. Until tomorrow, there is just nothing to do but WAIT! Waiting can be such a hard thing to do! It is just so…heavy.
I watch you sleep and I am so glad that you have managed to find comfort amidst the symptoms of your hurt. You are so much stronger than I am for tonight I shall not sleep at all till I know you are alright. Baby girl, I wish I could have prevented your sickness or even change places with you. But life presents so many things that each of us have to assume alone: this, my child, is such an early lesson for you. I pray that God sends your healing on His time.
Help is on the way Z! I am certain that the Lord has already received my order for your healing. In fact, I just received first shipping information from His Center of care. He upgraded my order to ‘Same Day’ from the ‘Standard service’ that I expected due the doctors report. And just now, “Shipped” was received in my inbox. Z, you would never believe that in a matter of seconds, it’s already picked up and on its way to the service station. It had not stops so now it’s headed towards the service point, “Delivery destination”. God is so good! As you turn and toss in your sleep, the door bell will ring before morning, for in a matter of seconds your healing is now “Out for Delivery”, expected by end of day.
God, you know my heart for myself and for my kids. You know that I love them even when I fall short of giving them all they deserve. Please Lord, give me what I need to be a stronger, better, mother – just like you intend for me. Amen!
PS: JESUS, thank You for always knowing just what we need.